Monday, April 6, 2009

COMMENTS FOR 7 PAGES... I'm a bad person

Bryan - I loved getting to hear the changes you made to the play since we all heard your original. I feel like your plot is much more focused and succinct. I have much more of an idea about WHAT YOU ARE WRITING ABOUT and I think you do as well. I would like to see more Isabel and Dick's relationship. You have created a very clear dynamic with Isabel's character and I would like to see them interact more to see how their relationship impacts the plot. I also think the set concept you have created is really cool visually - I have a really strong image in my mind of Isabel banging on the wall. 

Julia - Wow. You have such an interesting concept, here and I think the way you have written it follows suit and is beautiful. It whispers. Really. Things I love: the juxtaposition of young and old; the crazy set design I see in my head; the notion of changing the memory of your past in order to survive; the scary, unknown world of Alzheimer's; your comedy; YOUR NEW ENDING. I feel like the role of the student needs a little more development. I feel like the story needs to impact her in some way.. I want to se a development there, I think. 

Kat - This is such a unique idea, I would love to know how you came up with it. I love that, except for the little opening bit, the whole play takes place in one phone conversation. I think the tone of the humor is great and I like that the audience knows something the character doesn't. I'd also like to know your motivation for writing this story, what you are trying to say, and whether you played with Jim never finding out that he was on air....

Celso - Wow. Sir. You have quite a play here. Firstly, I love your title. I think the tone is perfect for your story, exotic, ironic, and a reflection on the attitude of your characters. I also love the names that you gave your characters, I think they were very skillfully chosen. I also love your use of Italian in the dialogue (castrato, porco dio, ect.) Initially I was worried that it would obstruct some of the understanding, but in the end I didn't feel that way at all. I found the dialogue incredibly intriguing as your characters talk crucial dramatic events we haven't seen and little by little we piece together a history. Even the things that went over my head contributed to the atmosphere and dynamic. 

Autumn - I think you have a really great one act here. I greatly enjoyed your first draft, but I thought the changes you made for our little mini festival made a huge difference, as if they were the final pieces of the puzzle. You have a strange, funny, unique little moment. 

More to come...

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