Wednesday, January 28, 2009

I'm a Girl Who Doubts Herself

My picture is of a girl who is sitting on what seems to be pavement with some building behind her. Her legs are crossed, and she's fingering her hair while smiling. She's wearing a black track suit with pink lining. Her hair is braided.


I'm sitting down and telling myself that everything's going to be OK. I don't think that it will be, but that doesn't matter right now. I want to be like the other girls in school. They're able to run around with boys and wear clothes and make-up that hides their true being. I don't want to act like I like being independent and different and unique, because I know that I'm lying to myself. I know that those girls don't have to swallow their ideas and feelings so as to not be labeled as a "loser." It's only because everyone likes them, and if expressing any thoughts of being interesting and smart is "in," then they'll say anything to get attention. If I say something interesting or smart, then I get ridiculed or ignored for being obnoxious and a "know-it-all." For once, I don't want people to shun me from the group. I want them to take me seriously. It's not enough that my small group of friends respect me.
I don't want to be different. As horrible and ridiculous as that sounds, I don't want to be different. Honestly, being different in high school may lead to being alone. I don't want to be alone, I want my voice heard. I don't want to be invisible. I want to leave this place with the courage that I won't be treated out there the same way I'm treated in here.
I want sit down and smile to myself. I want to tell myself it will be OK. And I want to believe it.

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